Well, well, well…

Posted under Gambling, Gaming, Golf, Home, Life, Technical, Vacation, love, weather

…look what the cat dragged in

I know, I know…What’s the use of having a blog if you don’t use it…

I could make all kinds of excuses but I won’t. A lot has happened since my last post and I don’t really want to go into details, so I’ll keep this brief.

I’m on vacation.

I’m single again.

I now own a dog.

I quit my guild.

I went golfing.

I won $800.00 at the Casino.

Bought a new DVD player.

I’m tiling the shower. Sorta.

I turned 45.

The yard-work has begun.

Weather is getting nicer.

I still love Vodka.

Trying to find a use for my iTouch since buying a Droid.

I don’t care about your farm.

Need to buy an external HD.

Pepperoni is NOT the new bacon.

I lost some weight.

I still smoke.

Facebook is crack.

Need to update my WP installation.

Checking out Joomla.

Bought some new shoes.

Filed my taxes.

Developed some film.

And, uh, yeah…

So, that’s all I have to say about that. Let’s see if I can post again before 2011

I hope that all is well in your world…

~KJ

Blog it out…

Posted under love

as they say…whoever THEY are…

I have decided to take my recent breakup head on, hoping to find some relief…

Where to start? For those of you who know and those of you who don’t, Mush and I broke up last week. I have been trying my best to get my head wrapped around it and find the strength to carry on in a mature fashion. After all, this isn’t High School.

About a year ago Mush came into my life. We seemed to hit it off and I was more than happy to get involved with her. It wasn’t long before I was totally falling in love with her and was beaming with pride. I wanted a GF and I got one. Finally.

I want to say that for the last year I have had more fun and more happiness in my life than ever before. No joke. We spent a lot of time together doing so many cool things. She was singing for the Coyote Kings and I got the chance to see her perform at many different venues, from blues festivals to bar gigs I was there. Loved to hear her sing and loved to take photos of her and the band. We traveled all over the place, stayed at plush hotels and reesty dives, heard many bands, met lots of great people, ate great food, saw great things and simply had a blast. We went to Vegas for her Birthday and partied our asses off and recently we went to Dallas and she introduced me to Amma which was totally awesome.

She became my best friend, my lover, my everything. She was always there for me no matter what. I shared every part of my life with her and never held back for the first time in my life. I never lied to her about anything or any part of my life. At last, I could just be me, finally! I was accepted for who I am and that’s that. What an awesome thing. I have never trusted anyone or anything with my soul and I will always be grateful for her kind and loving spirit. She never judged me and always listened to me with an open mind and an open heart. I feel that I did the same for her.

My mind is flooded with all of the good times we have had. We never fought, we never said mean or hurtful things to each other. We treated each other with love and respect, which is a first for me. It just seemed so effortless. I can’t count the number of times we laughed and laughed about life and all of it’s twists and turns. We cryed to each other when we were sad, hurting or scared. We held each other closely, loved each other deeply and passionately. These are the things that I remember, these are the things I will hold dear to my heart.

I knew from the beginning that she really wasn’t looking for a BF and she was honest about that. I had hoped that over time she would change her mind but that is not the case. As time went by I knew that someday this would happen. I didn’t want it to but knew that it would. It really set in when she asked me for some room to breathe a couple of months ago. I knew that it was only a matter of time and we were going to have to break things off.

I tried to act like it wasn’t happening but it was. I started to become depressed the more I thought about it. I wanted to believe that things would work themselves out. I wanted this love to never end. But here’s the deal, I can’t make anyone give me something that they don’t have to give no matter how bad I want it. Simple as that. Yeah it sucks, but it’s the truth. She was honest with me and I respect that. I know that she would never hurt me on purpose. I think she probably feels like crap and didn’t intend to or want to hurt my feelings. I also hope that I she knows that I never wanted to hurt hers either.

I have always told her that I want nothing more than for her to ‘just be her’. I never wanted or needed her to change herself. I loved her for exactly for who she is and always will. She is an awesome girl and I will always treasure the days we spent together. She taught me to love and honor myself. Today, I am a better man because of these things. She allowed me to love and be loved. She taught me to trust. What more could you ever ask for? She is truly beautiful through and through.

So the bottom line is this…I have had the best relationship of my life! Yeah, I hurt. Yeah, it sucks that it had to end. Yeah, life will go on and we will both survive. I can only hope that those of you who read this will have a chance to have what I’ve had. It has been truly wonderful.

I wrote all of this with the hopes that the sadness in my heart would go away. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I’m sick of crying. I want to be whole and feel strong again. And when that day comes I’ll probably give her a call and say “Hey my friend, miss ya!”

all for now…

KJ

Good times, Bad times

Posted under love, spiritual

you know I’ve had my share…

Good times – I just got back from a trip to Dallas with M to meet Amma. It was a very good experience for me and really helped my interior landscpape. I got Darshan twice and can’t begin to tell you how cool it is. The flight was good, the food was awesome and I totally wanna do it again next year.

Good times – I finally got Supramax (my rogue) leveled to 80 and I’m really diggin’ the end game aspect of WoW. Running raids and instances now, farming rep and gear with groups is really fun. It seems like there are no limits to the game.

Good times – As you all know I have been in a realationship with Mush for a little over a year now. I have had the most wonderful times and she has opened my eyes to the world around me and taught me many things. We have lived and laughed and always treated each other with the uttmost respect. She is my best friend ever and will always be.

Bad times – Mush and I broke up last night. I want more of a realtionship than she is able to give and that’s ok. I respect her honesty and will always love her deeply. I hope that we will remain the best of friends thoughout the years as no one could ever fill her shoes. It hurts really bad but I’m sure that i will be able to get a grip on the pain and feel better shortly.

all for now

KJ